the tried & true guide to remedying a bad hair service

Hair is a big deal.

It can be the deciding factor on whether or not we feel good that day, some of us center our social calendars around salon days and wash days, and many people spend exorbitant amounts of money on shampoos, sprays, treatments, and tools to keep their hair looking top-notch.

And thankfully for people who like to get things done themselves, shampooing twice and learning how to use rollers does not require you to be a graduate from cosmetology school. The tricky part is the stuff that normally does, like highlights, haircuts, perms, Brazilian blowouts, etc., etc.

Sometimes, it’s a relief to put your hair in the care of someone with vastly more knowledge and experience. walking into the salon with a frizzy, tangled mess of hair and walking out with Selena Gomez Pantene commercial circa 2016 hair? A guaranteed dopamine boost.

The problem is when it goes horribly wrong. As someone with anxiety, this is my worst nightmare, but let me start this out by putting an opinion I firmly stand by out there: if a hairstylist makes you feel like you’re the only person who has ever been unhappy with the outcome of their hair, they’re wrong, and probably not the right stylist for you.

Hairstylist-client miscommunication is a risk that comes along with the job (and the service), but the most important part is the communication that comes afterwards. Even if they royally screw up and you can’t imagine ever paying for them to touch your hair again, the way they react to you communicating your disappointment tells you everything about their integrity as a person.

Now, I’m not saying that if you’re unhappy with your hair, that your hairstylist owes you a complete refund and a free appointment rectifying the situation at 5:30pm on a Sunday night. The client isn’t always right, and sometimes there’s gray areas if you didn’t show pictures or used the wrong terminology, but there is a right way to handle things for both parties. If you walked out of the salon feeling worse about your hair than when you came in, then it’s important to communicate that with your stylist, because a good one wants you to be happy with the outcome.

I always go into communicating with my stylist knowing in the back of my mind that this is their livelihood, their craft, that I’m commenting on and that I need to tread carefully & respectfully. I try not to be pushy or accusatory if something turns out different than I was hoping, or expectant for them to drop everything to accommodate me. What I do hope for is for them to understand the importance of hair to most people and cross my fingers that they’ll do their best to help me in a reasonable way.

If your stylist gets their ego wounded that you’re unhappy with your hair (when you communicated in a polite & respectful way) and is unwilling to help you, it’s important to remember not to gaslight yourself. I once asked a stylist for a softer, natural Taylor Swift-y blonde and I walked out of the salon with brown hair. It was really difficult for me to stay true to my feelings and realize that, just because she was a licensed stylist, didn’t mean that what I felt happened was invalid or made up.

If you’re lucky enough to have an understanding and flexible stylist during your hair emergency, then lucky you! You probably don’t need this post. but if your stylist let you down during and after the appointment, then here are some ways to play hairdresser for yourself.

P.S. I’m in no way a hair expert, just someone who has been getting highlights off & on since middle school and has had her fair share of hair appointment horror stories 😵‍💫

SCENARIO #1 - your hairstylist gave you too many lowlights & now you look like cristina agulara circa 2001

I may be in the minority, but I’m not really a fan of too much dimension in my hair, especially when it’s harsh instead of natural as if the sun did it itself.

I’ve definitely found myself in the position once where this happened, and thankfully it was just toner painted on. But unfortunately, it was brown toner painted on my dry, high-porosity bleached blonde hair. A hairstylist told me once that dawn dish soap is every hairstylist’s dirty little secret piece of advice they give a desperate client. Since it seems like most hairstylists use toners instead of dye these days to lessen the consequences of a change of heart, this is a perfect out. Dawn dish soap, being full of sulfates to strip the toner, is your best shot if you’re desperate, but be sure to follow up with a deep conditioning mask and some TLC to your hair afterwards. The less intense options would be a clarifying shampoo, and Olaplex makes a great one, as does Ouai. I once learned a tip that using a shower cap or a heat cap helps products penetrate the hair cuticle better, similar to steaming your skin. Helps the products sink in and do their job better, apparently!

Your other option is to get a darker all-over toner over the lowlights to cancel it out, but going from lowlights to brown/black, when you weren’t that dark before, is a big leap when you’re already in an emotional hair-state. You could also try a hair color depositing masque!

scenario #2 - your hairstylist made your toner way too dark

I know a thing or two about this, because it’s happened to me once… and badly. I got my hair bleached -Pamela Anderson-style and freaked out, desperate to go back to my previously medium-blonde hair. Looking back, this was actually my fault to begin with because the picture I showed was platinum once I looked at it again. I booked an appointment with a stylist closeby that I had never gone to (first mistake… do your research people!) since my hairstylist went MIA, and I showed her a picture of a softer blonde (a picture of Taylor Swift from her Begin Again music video, to be exact) and I walked out with… you guessed it… brown hair. The minute she started blow-drying my hair, my eyes widened in shock, and I squeaked out, “Um, does it look this dark because it’s wet…?” Safe to say, I told her something had came up and she never finished blow-drying my hair… and I gave her a 20% tip in a frenzy of tears and heavy breathing.

The best solution is… yet again, a sulfate-heavy wash. Over and over again. A stylist once told me that demi-permanent toners wash out by 20-24 washes, but you can hasten the process by using harsher shampoos and washing everyday. But it’s important to take into account your hair’s health too, because you may end up getting the color out but hurting your strands in the process!

scenario #3 - your blonde is way too blonde

You guessed it - this has also happened to me. Getting a little blonde can make you feel brighter and happier, bringing color and warmth to your face, but when you walk into the salon with a darker/muted hair color and walk out with Dolly Parton blonde… it can be shell-shocking. Especially when it’s blonder than what you & your stylist agreed on.

Your best bet in this situation is to first, sit with it for at least 48 hours. Style it, switch up your makeup, live in it. And then proactively contact your stylist to book a toner if you’re still unhappy with it. The nice thing about this scenario is bleached blonde offers a nice canvas for toning since it’s so light, but the catch is: you need to be sure it’s too light, because you don’t want to double bleach those toned strands with bright blonde underneath them. At least, not without a plan with your stylist to keep your hair integrity in tact.

scenario #4 - your haircut is too short or you cut bangs & regret it

Haircut miscommunications are sometimes the hardest to come back from, because they’re much more permanent (months of regrowing it) and can jeopardize your trust with your stylist because it’s not just an easy fix with a toner formula. My go-to solution for these scenarios is to buy everything marketed for hair growth. I’ve used the Redken extreme growth line before in times of desperation, and doubled up on my biotin (warning: can exacerbate acne if you’re acne-prone!!). Also, spinach, berries, seeds, bananas, beans, nuts, sweet potatoes, and avocados are listed online (here & here) as some of the best foods for hair growth, so try incorporating some salads & avocado toast into your meal plans!

I also tried this rosemary oil, which is supposed to promote hair growth & strengthening. To my surprise, after using this, I noticed my short, forehead bangs (that I loved for about two weeks before getting sick of) grew out to curtain bangs that fell to my cheekbones in just 3 months.

Hopefully reading this article was just for fun or precautionary, but if you are finding yourself in one of these situations, just know I’m sending virtual hugs your way. Hair is a big deal, no matter what anyone says (especially a hairstylist), so let yourself have a good cry and then pull yourself together to try the tips listed in this survival guide! Bad hair outcomes can feel like you’ll never love your locks again, but I promise it’ll pass. Time heals all wounds, including hair ones!