pitchforks & possessiveness: the mob mentality against girlfriends of celebrities

Parasocial relationships and the widespread media coverage of celebrities (that is accessible with the click of a button) are two things that have cultivated a twisted sense of ownership between fans & their favorite people in the limelight. The devastation and uproar that occurs when a teen idol gets a girlfriend is a well-known phenomenon, and the misogyny and hatred that comes in tow has come to be expected. It is an age-old tale, and all it takes is one look at Taylor Swift & Harry Styles to know that even the most beloved are not exempt from the one, unwritten rule: don’t lock down a heartthrob.

Maladaptive daydreaming and parasocial relationships have intertwined to create the fascinating phenomenon of male celebrity adoration, where oftentimes reality is blurred with rose-colored fantasy and heartbreak is imminent when they inevitably match up with the enviable A-list supermodel or actress, of course lacking in any relatability or visible defects — a stab to the heart for even the most unfazed, if it’s their celebrity crush. On the off-chance these flaws do exist, they become ripe for magnification from possessive fans eager to drive their favorite back to singlehood through hateful tweets, expository commentary, and persistent condemnation. This drives the question: why is the idea of dating a celebrity the pinnacle of romanticism for so many?

It’s no secret that celebrities are put up on a pedestal. Despite getting a glimpse through the keyhole of their illustrious lives through Instagram and the paparazzi, their lavish lifestyles are still illusive and mysterious, making people all the more intrigued and desperate to know more. Along with this, the exclusivity gives most regular people a pang of a rejection, of sorts. Like in my article about everyone craving significance and the spotlight, in most cases anyway, it’s no surprise that people dream about belonging to this swank, exclusive group, especially teenagers taking in the influx of content from influencers and celebrities alike. These teenagers are also in the hallmark times of their lives where their interests & loyalty to certain people, whether it be pop idols or sports teams, take root. While every once and a while the boyfriend of a beloved female celebrity is on the receiving end of the protective backlash from fans, it is most common that male icons with devoted audiences are at the forefront of this phenomenon of misogyny, hidden under the guise of concern and protectiveness. Taylor Swift’s song, “But Daddy, I Love Him” encapsulates this best — “I don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing.”

Internalized misogyny, according to Wikipedia, is characterized by “women who [ ] express it by: minimizing the value of women, mistrusting women, and showing gender bias in favor of men.” This can be see in this phenomenon, where fans view these girlfriends as the villains in their parasocial love stories with their celebrity crush. They don’t see the female partner as they would a friend or acquaintance in a relationship, but as a thief from their nightmares who swept in and destroyed their dreams of keeping their favorite person in a safe bubble to project their fantasies onto. The sad part is they’re oftentimes not aware of what they’re doing — it is driven by innate jealousy and heartbreak, overriding any feminism or desire to support other women. Oftentimes, this possessiveness is disguised as concern and protectiveness, when actuality, it is internalized misogyny, subconsciously being projected onto an innocent person who just happened to fall in love with the wrong person. “Slut!” by Taylor Swift (“Everyone wants him, that was my crime”) and “all because i liked a boy” by Sabrina Carpenter (Now I'm a homewrecker, I'm a slut / I got death threats fillin' up semitrucks / Tell me who I am, guess I don't have a choice / All because I liked a boy”) are first-hand accounts from girlfriends who were on the receiving end of this hate.

The most interesting part is that if one of these fans were to experience their wildest dreams and got the opportunity to date their biggest celebrity crush, I wonder how they’d feel to be on the receiving end of the pitchfork-bearing mob of fans, just like themselves. They band together in the name of a civic duty to protect, but they’re really banding together with the commonality of not wanting someone who they feel entitled to (a “we keep your lights on by going to your concerts or watching your movies or buying your merchandise” sort of thing) belong to someone else. It reminds me a lot of Prince Harry and Megan, too. In their documentary, when Megan is being interviewed, she explains that the blame was placed on her for planting seeds of doubt and rebellion in Harry’s mind, when really, it may have been festering all along for reasons known and unbeknownst to the public, but since he acted on it when she happened to show up in the picture, everyone pointed the finger at her because she was the only thing that had changed, so of course it was her fault. Of course, once again, the woman is the scapegoat and diabolical witch who lured the people’s beloved prince, whether it be an actual prince or teen idol, into her web of deceit and evil intentions. Humanizing her, of course, is out of the question. She couldn’t possibly be an ordinary human, like you or me, capable of being swept up in a flurry of starry-eyed love and passion. No, everything is calculated and disingenuous. Because if we humanize her, then we have to legitimize and validate the relationship as real, putting a deep fissure in the fantasy of them being the Ken doll of everyone’s dreams, meant to bend and twist and act at their request, because he’s in debt to them for their unconditional support. But it doesn’t seem like a fair trade, does it?