the reclamation of girlhood
In an effort to fix an utterly demolished attention-span (thanks to the convenient doom-scrolling of TikTok), I decided to dive back in to my first love: YouTube. In this rediscovery, I found an interesting new genre I had yet to look into called video essays. Here, people explain polarizing or niche topics with a plethora of background research and plenty of illustrations to paint a forthright, all-encompassing narrative. This discovery came about a little over a year ago. Fast forward to present day — well, three days ago —, I came across a video by Mina Lee called “Why Is Everyone Dressing Like a Little Girl?” With a newfound affinity for bows and the “coquette” aesthetic myself, I immediately clicked on the video in hopes of discovering what this interest represents on a deeper level.
If you haven’t seen the video, I highly recommend you go watch it — I could listen to her thoughts on all controversial topics forever and she explains things thoughtfully & eloquently while still getting to the point and maintaining her audience’s attention. In a nutshell, she explains the history of how clothing’s relationship to age and gender has changed over the centuries in congruence to sexuality (or the suppression thereof), the patriarchy, and culture.
Upon further research, I discovered the “coquette” aesthetic had a troubling beginning. Despite borrowing from soft grunge and ballerina-core, among other subcultures, coquette originated from the Tumblr #nymphette & Lolita aesthetic. If you don’t know the definition of nymphette, it is a sexually attractive young girl and many are aware of the story of Lolita, whose romanticization is a whole other troubling discussion. However, the coquette aesthetic seems to be shying away from these terms & instead making the aesthetic less about sexualizing innocence and more about hyper-feminization & the reclamation of girlhood.
Interestingly, Mina explores women’s fear of aging being intertwined with this new resurgence of the aesthetic. the normalization of and subliminal messaging around plastic surgery/facial enhancements to avoid aging are everywhere. Aging, at least in western society, has a particularly negative connotation, especially for women, who are cast away in an elephant graveyard by the time they reach their late 30’s, it seems.
Back to the point: Is the coquette aesthetic a reclamation of girlhood? Adorning bows, frills, lace, baby pink, and floral accessories was never tantalizing or suggestive until the patriarchy made it that way. They are simply associated with femininity, which unfortunately often lends itself to objectification & sexualization in the wrong eyes. For reference, the word “coquette” actually dates back to the Victorian era, referencing a high class lady who was a lighthearted flirt who charmed and flattered others to get her way. This character used her beauty and femininity to obtain admiration and praise, a form of self-expression that takes inspiration from the sometimes playful and divine nature of womanhood. In a world littered with female ageism and the trivialization of the labyrinthine female experience, it’s no wonder so many of us are eager to retreat into the warm sunshine of our youth by reclaiming styles that connotate youthfulness & girlish wonder. Especially for those who experienced childhood traumas at early ages, being forced to grow up and not being allowed to bask in the blissful innocence and contentment of their youth, parts of this aesthetic are actually healing in many ways as well as empowering by reclaiming the idea of girly youthfulness and restoring it to what it should, and always truly has been: beautiful and sacred.
